Conflict arises when people hold different opinions and pools of meaning. The authors say that when we are dealing with a crucial conversation we often feel that our message and our words are the problem. Or two bad decisions. Ask yourself: why should a reasonable person like X act and behave like this? They discovered that the most outstanding leaders are able to influence the outcomes of difficult but vital conversations, without offending others. But that’s just me, the book is otherwise great. I warmly invite you to get the book because examples are how we really learn. There are two ways to make a conversation safe: When our conversation partners know and believe both of those elements are in place, they can relax and really listen to what you’re saying without defensive barriers. When we enter a conversation, we bring along our beliefs, experiences, emotions, and perspectives – these jointly form our “pool of meaning”. The authors also suggest that you focus and ask yourself what you really want. You feel offended by this open challenge, and are tempted to dismiss the comment or to retort with a sarcastic remark. Use the word “and” to frame your question, e.g. For more details, do get a copy of our complete book summary bundle or read the book for powerful examples and illustrations. Start with what you agree This is a small piece of advice which changes everything. For additional resources, videos and other useful materials, do get a copy of the book, or go to www.CrucialConversations.com/. When they don’t believe those two are in place, we get silence or violence. talk to your spouse about her bad habit and make her unhappy, or avoid the topic altogether). The authors also remind us that we often see difficult conversations as two opposing choices that cannot co-exist. Book Summary – Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High, Book Summary - Peace is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life, Build your Own Disruptive Innovation or Disruptive Technology, Psychology, Economics, Sociology & General. Finally, we must convert the agreement into results, through specific decisions and follow up. A 3 Minute Summary of the 15 Core Lessons #1 Self-Monitor The authors say that the two most common destructive patterns relating to crucial relationships are silence and violence. A crucial conversation has three ingredients: The author says the irony is that the more important conversations are, the poorer we handle them. Start with heart: don’t let the need to win or look good get in the way 2. Once you see signs that you or others feel unsafe, the best approach is to step out of the current conversation, restore safety, then resume the dialogue. And we end up behaving like animals exactly when behaving like human beings is most important. The book discusses how to handle high-stakes conversations and how to handle disagreements, particularly in high-stakes business and relationship scenarios. Crucial Conversations is a must read for anyone serious about improving socially. As we expand the breadth of our stories, we become calmer and better prepared to having crucial conversations. Dialogue is the exchange of meaning when people have a conversation. The author holds a master's degree from La Sapienza, department of communication and sociological research, and is a member of the American Psychology Association (APA). More Hard Cases I would have liked some more borderline case examples, such as people furious or screaming. Once we have no silence or violence and once we have a big pool of shared meaning it’s time to move to solutions. Learning to spot and recognize the sign of a crucial conversation is not always easy, but it’s an essential part of being successful at crucial conversations. Imagine this: You’ve just explained to your team how critical it is to complete the current project on schedule, and urge everyone to complete their assigned tasks by the week. Start with facts and a positive note and be curious about the other person’s stories Book Summary – Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High By Readingraphics January 30, 2017 April 29th, 2020 Book Summaries , Leadership & Communications , Personal development & success , Relationships & Parenting The more we stay silent, the more we are likely to eventually explode. In the book / summary, we’ll take a closer look at how the Path to Action works, the 3 types of stories that we tell ourselves, and how to master our stories. To look beyond the appearances, it’s often great to ask questions such as “how can I do X and still do Y”. Click here to download the “Crucial Conversations” book summary and infographic. My Note: Being honest and building rapport is such a choice. Understanding each other and a positive atmosphere are not our end goals. We need to examine our own personal contribution in the problem. What brought them there? So we water it down and look for safer alternatives. Amazing infographics. Crucial Conversations is a self-help book aimed at business leaders to improve their interpersonal and communication skills through theory, practical advice and examples. For example, an innocent remark to your neighbor about their late night (noisy) parties can unexpectedly degenerate into a shouting match; overnight, your two families end up in a “cold war”, and both sides are unhappy. Essentially, we conjure stories about what’s happening around us, and these stories determine how we respond emotionally. Especially look for signs of silence and violence. Or “how can I do X without hurting Y”. They withhold their opinions for fear of confrontation, offending others or sounding stupid; or • Violent and aggressive. It’s easy to give in to our emotional impulses and make poor choices in the heat of the moment. This in turn requires that you understand the “Path to Action”, which explains why people react emotionally, and why the same circumstances may trigger different responses in different people. The best way to do so is to make the conversation safe. Well, they do. When we do that, there seems to be a tendency where we take the story the worst possible way., which further escalates emotions. Caring does. The crucial points to take away for me: Words don’t matter. Always keep a record of the decisions and keep one single person accountable for a single result. Check out the best communication skills book or get the book on Amazon, Tag:crucial conversations, crucial conversations review, crutial conversations. I also particularly like the suggestion of starting with what you agree, so that you begin on a positive note. They force their opinion on others, directly or indirectly (e.g. The book includes many useful case studies to illustrate crucial conversations at work at home and in the workplace, and how to apply the skills and tips to achieve your desired outcomes. And we don’t say what we really want to say. Besides managing our own emotions, we must help others to retrace their path. Looking within yourself and asking what you really want is also a great way to avoid damaging feelings such as the need to look good and to “win” the argument. By following these leaders, observing how they handled such crucial conversations, developing and testing theories and tools, the authors developed the tips in this book. I get it how some people create a story. The authors say that very often when you found yourself stuck, it’s because of a crucial conversation that you are not having or are not having well. It is possible to voice your concerns, while maintaining respect or a positive relationship. This is basically the principle Ray Dalio institutionalized in Bridgewater. To stay in constructive dialogue, you need to manage your emotions. During crucial conversations, we feel threatened, our brains shut down, and we’re even more likely to settle for the Fool’s Choice. Often we approach crucial conversations defensive or already angry. The more people can be open and put information in the pool, the more likely it is we will reach good decisions. They propose the acronym ABC, meaning Agree, Build (instead of tearing down, “yes and..”), compare (what you see differently). They may not involve big issues, but their outcomes can affect the quality of our lives. using sarcastic remarks, putting down others, or using authority to impose their views). It will be less personal and it will make you more credible. I also enjoyed the psychology behind people who avoid crucial conversations, which reminded of passive aggressive personalities. It’s because our emotions take over and our pre-cortex, the region that makes us humans basically, shuts off. This book helps us to identify and effectively conduct “crucial conversations”, so we can overcome difficult or sensitive issues, to improve results and achieve our desired outcomes. Get clear on what you truly want, what you truly don’t want, and figure out how to achieve both objectives. To do that, use the tips for restoring safety (Principle #3), and the 4 AMPP listening tools in the book /summary. 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